It’s been a really long time since I’ve posted anything here. I’m not to sure what to say here. This blog came with such an attchement to a life I was a living a long time ago. Part of the life I had then is still with me now. I won’t forget the awesome music, and writing, and God, and the beautiful things that happened when I had this blog.
Miss it, yeah. Forget it? Never. I love this place. Probably always will.
I have a new house now. We got moved into one. Stacey (my step mom) Donna (my sister) and me. It’s nice to be in our home. I love my pastor (who I was living with, and his family) but you can only forcce two families together for so long.
I’ve succomend to the new and modern age a lot more then before. This makes me sad. I didn’t want to be one of the Facebook masses, but I am. I have a facebook page. I want to tear it down already, before I’m sucked into it. I don’t want to be the person who is always checking their facebook account.
I’m still writing, but not like before. Now I wonder if I even want to write. Don’t get me wrong. I love writing. It’s a huge part of my life. It’s always been a big part of my life, and I’ll probably keep writing until I die. But not to be published. At least, not to be published how I currently am. Things need to change still.
A few years ago, writing took me down this amazing road where I met some awesome people. I learned about God. Struggled with that a lot. I learnt what words ccan really do for people, by bringing out feelings that they didn’t know existed in them. It’s out strongest tool.
I didn’t know there was so much more out there then what was in my small world. But there is. There is a huge amount of knowledge and just things and people to know out there. I attatch to a lot of these things. Wrap myself around the people that I love the most, and never want to let them go. It hurts when you have to let go anyway.
I’ve decided to close down my blog. It’s not doing me very much good to have it open. Keeping my blog open, and giving it a use, just gives me hope. It gives hope for something I won’t get. And that hurts more then helps.
Deciding to give up this blog, leaving it all behind me, is like having to cut a part of myself away. Because in a way, this blog is a part of myself. It’s rittled in depression, pain, songs, art, and friends. I love this place. It became a home when I needed one.
This won’t be my last blog I ever have. Surely, no. I may even go start another one soon. Maybe I’ll make it private. Have my real name. Have the things I’m to afraid to show other people, like the art and the poems.
I don’t assume anyone to understand that this hurts to be shutting down my blog. I’m going to leave it open so people can still read it. But I won’t be returning for it. I have to let it go, so I can go.
I want to be able to let go of facebook someday. I really don’t want to be wrapped up in it. I’m not sure how I got sucked into to begin with.
I decided this recently. And I guess, this was a deciding factor. What I’m listening to.
just before I made my blog, I heard this song.
And I heard it and listening to the entire time I had my blog. It is, in a way, the soundtract of my blog.